Enjoy the process
Not only do I think willpower is overrated, I think it doesn’t really exist the way it is typically thought of. At least, I don’t have it. But when I’m honest with myself, I think I’ve done OK relative to the average person my age. Are most people even more deficient in willpower than me? If that is the case, how does anything get done? Either I fell ass-backwards into a decent life (it never hurts to be lucky, and luck I have in spades), or raw will is not as important as it seems.
When one thinks of true willpower, it looks something like white-knuckling through something really important and difficult. But in order to do anything worth doing, you can’t just make it a one-off event. You probably won’t make any lasting change in one workout or one studying all-nighter. The herculean movie montage is undoubtedly a thing that people do, but is it how successful people got where they are? Can that effort be sustained?
When I wasn’t in the shape that I wanted to be in, I would often do really intense workouts. But I would do them once or twice, then the disgust with myself would lessen, and the perceived effort would be greater than the disgust. And before I knew it, I’d be back where I started or worse. Did I simply not have the will to get in shape? Or did I have the wrong approach? Did I really expect a few intense sessions to bring about permanent change? Or did I think I could keep the intensity up?
When I think about my modest accomplishments, I realize that none of them came from will. My degree wasn’t 4 years of white-knuckling and intense all-nighters, my high savings are not at the cost of feeling constantly deprived, and I certainly never would have gotten in shape if every rep was torture.
So why do we think that other people’s accomplishments are so out of reach? Why do we think our goals will require insane willpower and effort?
I think we see others in their end state, which would take herculean will for us right now. We see the guy waking up at 6am for a 10 mile run and think that would feel like the hardest thing we would do all year. But it doesn’t feel like that to him. To him it’s the culmination of a long process. If it was insanely hard every day, he would give up after day 2 or 3. I know I would. Thus we think that that end state is unattainable. People say we discount and underestimate the hard work it took to get there, but I think we are overestimating the marginal effort required in every workout.
The truth is, it gets easier. Not only does it get easier, it becomes actually enjoyable. It might seem to be a trivial point, but I think it’s really underrated. When we are done with run #1 or 2, and out of breath, our entire body in revolt, we subconsciously feel the weight of the next 50 runs, assuming the end state will feel like this. We remember the effort required to not only start the first run, but to figure out where to run, and what to wear, and for how long. But these are only initial barriers. And they are huge—I find myself avoiding restaurants if I don’t know the menu, and I’m supposed to get myself to do something that’s going to feel bad? No wonder we think the 6am run is herculean. But it doesn’t stay that way. By the 10th run, I'm feeling good at the end. I feel 0 resistance to start, because I got over the initial exercise resistance. And it becomes a habit. But even with the power of habit, I’d eventually give it up if it wasn’t enjoyable. When you start to get the positive feedback you start to re-wire your brain. And before you know it people are amazed at your discipline or willpower—even though you aren’t all that special.
I think people often feel guilty that they aren’t where they want to be. And it doesn’t help when people look down on each other and say that those who didn’t make it didn’t want it bad enough. As if that a lack of achievement is a moral deficiency. I don’t really think that this is the case, it seems to me more that achievement is highly linked to enjoyment, and enjoyment comes after paying an initial price—one that everyone is capable of paying, but most don’t—because they are unaware of the enjoyment on the other side.